What is in a name?

I'm wondering if Shakespeare had it right and that names are a meaningless convention. Would I still be the person I am if I had been born Michelle Lynn Armour or Lucinda Armour as my mother had once considered. This question comes to mind as a ghost from my past crossed my e-path this evening. It brought back a few embarrassing memories and then it occurred to me that this man shares the same first name as many other guys in my life. It is a common enough name and one I have always liked the sound of. But of all the names in the world how is it possible that I have had a "relationship" (relationship in this case is to be defined as anything from first kiss to unrequited love to lover) with no less than five guys who shared the same first name. This must be a very rare case. And any readers who know about my ex-husband - no, the name in question is not John. He was my one and only "toilet" and I hope to keep it that way.

Seriously, between lovers, friends, crushes, husbands, boyfriends...how is it possible to have that many with the same first name and they were all soooo memorable and all made big impacts in my life whether they knew it or not.

Perhaps, I should avoid men with this name on the future.

Point of Entry

According to the book there are three types of "clutter" that you might need to SHED. Physical clutter, schedule clutter and the clutter of bad habits. As a Administrative Assistant a great deal of my time is dictated by what the Project managers need me to do. I do have few tasks (DPOs, Web updates, blog updates, etc) that are exclusive tasks to me and although I might need final approval of a superior, I don't often receive work from them in these areas that must be done ASAP. Most of the work from the Project Managers needs to be done relatively quick.

As far as my personal life is concerned I used to have a lot of schedule clutter with kids, volunteering at church, social groups, etc. However, all of that has been pared down. Not all by my choice but gone none the less. Other than work, my only regular schedule commitments are the monthly meetings of my singles group. It's only once a month so I don't consider it clutter of any type.

Honestly, I need more clutter. I need to find a Tampa based church, a small group and get my tush back to the Gym three times a week. That's about as full of a schedule as I'd want right now. Have to keep most nights and weekends open for dating, writing, time with friends and family. Short story made long by my incessant need for details - I have no schedule clutter so I get to skip that section.

As far as physical is concerned, I've spent a great deal of time studying Julie Morgenstern's book Organizing from the Inside Out. I have the SPACE philosophy memorized, but still occasionally pick up the book for some tips I may have forgotten. Based on that my home is extremely organized. Some sections better than others.

But SHEDing isn't about organizing what you have. It is about do you need what you have. With this in mind I did a survey of my home and found a few area where I am storing items I no longer need or use. Some of them are harder to let go of than others. Some areas include:

My large DVD collection

PS2 system and games

Board/Card games

China dishes

Crystal goblets

Large book collection

Clothes

Sewing machine, patterns, material, etc.

Cross stitch kits, books, etc.

and sadly, all memorabilia of my ex-step-daughters

Each one of these areas is supposed to listed along with how much space they take up, the percentage of these items that are obsolete and (based on emotional attachment) how difficult it will be to rid these things from my life.

Not so quick, I am not supposed to jump in yet and start throwing stuff out.

The last type of clutter to consider is the clutter that comes from bad habits. After reviewing the book, I have determined a few bad habits which cause clutter in my life. I may discover more bad habits as time progresses and I have SHED some of these things from my life. But I'll start with the following:

Procrastination

Mindless Escapes (TV, internet, iPod apps)

For those of you that know me well you might have a list forming in your head of bad habits I should have mentioned. If that is the case, I politely request that you keep your trap shut...for now. Let me tackle some of this clutter and simplify my life and then feel free to e-mail me your lists.

After all, the purpose of all this goes back to my theme for the next phase of my life. Creative Expression. The more I am able to trim clutter (physical, schedule or bad habits) from my life the more time and energy I will have for pursuing my creative outlets.

Now that I have my list made, I must decide which area to tackle first. My book collection? My tendency to procrastinate? The china I haven't used in years? The crystal goblets I insisted we buy when we got our first house because I thought we were officially grown up...we only used the glasses once in the last 3 or 4 years. Perhaps my habit of turning on the TV as soon as I walk in the door at night and not turning it off until bed time. Any of these areas would be a great place to start.

However, you don't just jump in and start eliminating things from your life willy-nilly. Once I pick my first point of entry, I get to officially start the SHED process.

S is for Separating the Treasures. I have not read the chapter on Physical items yet, but when you look at Bad Habit clutter, you have to ask yourself what you get out of these habits? They must be serving me some kind of good either now or at some point in my life. So I must start by figuring out the good and finding other ways to achieve those same feelings without the bad habit cluttering up my life.

I'll report back once I've read the chapter on Physical clutter as by then I should have decided what my first point of entry will be.

In the meantime however, I have decided to attempt to leave the TV off after work until 8pm. That gives me a little over two hours to do household chores, make and eat dinner and time to write. I started this tonight and it's just now a little after 8. It almost feels like a treat now that I get to turn on the TV. But look at all the writing I've done. I've cooked a fabulous dinner, put away my leftovers and started a load of dishes. Yeah, me!

Until next time...thanks for reading!

Creative Expression

I've mulled over the theme for a few days and what I have decided on is "creative expression". There is so much more that I want the next phase of my life to be about. Love, passion, deeper connection to the important people in my life, family, children, etc. However, all that includes other people. For now, it is important for me to feel satisfied and fulfilled on my own and the last time I felt that fulfilled was when I was writing on a regular basis. That feeling of creativity, freedom and limitless possibilities was intoxicating. Focusing on that again is important to me on many levels. Plus I would like to establish a routine/pattern/habit of writing that I can continue with as life continues to change.

So now that I have named my theme, Julie Morgenstern's next chapter is to find your point of entry.

Wish me luck.

A Cacographic Conundrum

ca⋅cog⋅ra⋅phy  [kuh-kog-ruh-fee]
–noun
1. bad handwriting; poor penmanship.
2. incorrect spelling.

Cacography is a new word I learned today (Thanks Alan). However, this new knowledge poses a new problem. My penmanship is atrocious and yet and I am very good speller. In fact, poor spelling is one of my pet peeves. I feel like the only recourse is to hate myself.

SHEDing for Growth

There is a new movie coming out called the Julie/Julia Project or something like that. It is about a woman (Julie) who decided to cook her way through a Julia Child cookbook in one year and blog about what she was doing. This struck me as interesting. Even more so because it is based on a true story. So when my desire to write more popped into my brain as I was starting to read "When Organizing Isn't Enough - SHED Your Stuff, Change Your Life" I remembered this movie I heard about. So I am going to attempt to blog my way through this book.

On the subject of the book, I am a big fan of Julie Morgenstern. Her "SPACE" method and philosophy of organizing from the inside out help focus my intense need to organize without all the crazy systems I had previously come up with on my own.

SHED is the fourth book of hers that I have purchased and I have no doubt it will be as good and as helpful as the others.

I'll go into more detail next time as to what the purpose of SHEDing is but to start off I'll just explain her latest acronym.

S - Separate the treasures
H - Heave the trash
E - Embrace your identity
D - Drive yourself forward

Undoubtedly, someone will think that this is all a bunch of touchy-feely self-help crap. Possibly, but considering her other books on home organizing, time management and ways to improve your desk/office/schedule at work have been extremely helpful and chock full of great tips, I figure what is the harm in giving it a shot.

My first assignment is to give this next phase of my life a theme. This will certainly require some consideration. A few words do pop into my mind: Freedom, Creativity, Independence, Exploration, Expression, Self-Gratification, etc. I suppose in order to accurately give a name to what I want this next phase of my life to be about I need to further examine the phases I have already been through. But that is for next time.

Until then....D

Lunch Time Train of Thought

The whole drive to pick up lunch (small Greek salad from Salem’s if you are interested in that sort of detail) and get back to the office, my mind was teeming with things that I could blog about. Not because I feel that there is anything truly informative or life alternating that I have to say, but just the physical process of writing (pen to paper or fingers to keys) taps into my creative energies and a special place in my heart. Yet as I start to log into my Blogger account, I have a sudden blankness. The words that had so easily floated through my mind as I navigated the twenty minute round trip drive have utterly disappeared the moment I left my car.

I think this is part of the reason that I have been so unproductive when it comes to writing lately. My creativity seems to be at its peak when I am unable to write like when I am in the car, in the shower or working. I’m using my lunch hour today to try and get as many words on paper as possible. This isn’t exactly fiction worthy, but like I said in my first blog, this is more about priming the pump. The more I write, the more I want to write. Just like the more I read the more I want to write. Both are things that tap into that creative portion of my brain that is yearning to send my stories out into the world.

I decided a month or three ago that I was missing out on a great opportunity to write. For the first time in twelve years I was not in a relationship or on the prowl looking to get into a relationship. My free time could be spent in whatever form I choose without having to worry about canceling a date or hiding myself away in another room for a little peace and quiet. I realized that I have squandered the last seventeen months of independence as I’ve barely written a word. I’ve journaled on occasion. I’ve written numerous e-mails and tapped out hundreds of text messages, but what did I have to show for it? Okay, that is a bit extreme. I am sure that the emails and texts that I have sent over the last 17 months have helped to deepen my personal relationships with many of my friends. So it wasn’t completely wasted but it brings me no closer having a piece of fiction ready to submit to publishers or agents.

The world journaled really gets my brain buzzing in a totally different direction though. I’m not sure at what point the noun journal became used in common every day language as a verb. Understandably the English language is always changing. Consider the fact that the word “bling” is now in the dictionary. With this in mind, I check dictionary.com and was surprised that according to them, the word journal is still only a noun. Yet if you tell anyone you spent an hour journaling last night, they would instantly understand that you were writing something personal. It would be small journal clips for a scrapbook project or the equivalent of writing in your diary. The word seems to be used a lot in religious groups as a means to grow closer to God. I am fully in favor of all of these aspects of writing. It just puzzles me when and how journal went from a noun to a verb and why the dictionary hasn’t caught on to this new usage. Especially when you consider the fact that the words “blog” and “vlog” are represented in the dictionary. When you get down to it, what is the difference between blogging and journaling? Is it the medium they are presented on? Journaling tends to be on paper where blogs exists exclusively on the internet? What if you write journal on paper and then post it to your blog? Does it them become a jlog? Perhaps a blournal?

Anyway, I am moving away from my point. Wait…do I even have a point? I suppose not, but isn’t that the point of all this. You don’t have to have a point? Rambling is totally accepted, assuming your audience is okay with it. At this point I don’t know who my audience is, so if you read this and decide you want to be a part of that regular audience and you would prefer I keep to a point instead of rambling – TELL ME. I’m not psychic. After all, if I am only doing this for myself I might just write the words “story idea” over and over again until I get one.

If you spent time reading this, thank you!

Chaos Donkeys and Steak Sandwiches

I started with Hennessy in the spring of 2003 as a part-time receptionist and worked my way into my current position as Administrative Assistant. In the fall of 2004, I was informed that I had been assigned my first on-site project. Being the natural organizer that I am, I began assembling list after list of everything I could think that we would possibly need to have on site. We weren’t even scheduled to move to the site for several weeks. But I wanted to be prepared.

This is when I learned one of the most valuable lessons, not only in construction, but in life. My boss, in words that could only come from a character like him, said “learn to ride the chaos donkey, or it’ll be riding you.” Truer words were never spoken.

That first project in the fall of 2004 was the first of many. We spent the next three years moving from job site to job site. If it hadn’t been for my ability to “ride the chaos donkey” I don’t know how I would have taken some of the odd things that happened over those next few years. There was the time that the subcontractor kissed me out of the blue. Not too odd except that I was married at the time and about a foot taller than the subcontractor in question. There was the time I came to work to find a bar of soap on the trailer hitch. Apparently, the homeless in the area were using the drainage from the trailer’s A/C unit to bathe in. Then there was the time an Architect walked in on me while using the bathroom. Luckily I was mid-zip so it could have been worse. I could have sworn I’d locked the door.

About a year into our field work we were working at a private school in Tampa building a Multi-purpose building. We were still in the same trailer from our first project. The set up worked well for us so moving it from one site to the next seemed the logical thing to do. However, after a year on a construction site, it had seen better days. Not to mention I think the thing was built in the 70’s. The rental company was out several times to fix issues.

The most interesting glitch was the day the door knob to the bathroom fell apart in my hands. My character of a boss was always cracking jokes so this occasion was no different. When he stepped into the restroom, he added “don’t peek” before he pulled the door to. Peeking had never crossed my mind, but the up side was that had anyone walked into the trailer I could head them off before they accidentally walked in on him. We had posted a note on the door which stated the bathroom was occupied, but who’s to say the note would be read before someone barged in.

Later that morning, while I was completely alone in the trailer, nature called. The question was how to use the restroom with nobody to run interference for me. Everyone was out walking the site and depending on what they came across they could be gone for ten minutes or over an hour. My bladder simply wouldn’t wait.

I moved the sticky note over the hole left behind by the missing door knob so if anyone did enter they would see the note when they reached for the knob. Of course, that wasn’t enough to make me feel secure in my privacy. After all, we had people in and out of our trailer all day long and I didn’t know these men enough to trust that they wouldn’t come barging in.

In a moment of false logic, I pulled the door all the way closed and went about my business. As I stood at the sink a few moments later, the stupidity of what I had done sank in.

Yes, the door knobs had fallen off. Yes, the door did open outward. But the guts of the door knob and latch bolt were still in place. So here I stood inside a closed bathroom, nobody else in the trailer and no way to pull the latch bolt back so I could push the door open.

I had left my cell phone on my desk so if I couldn’t figure a way out of this, I’d be stuck until someone came back. I attempted to use my fingers to fiddle with the latch bolt. Nothing happened. With no other options, I took a seat and decided to wait it out.

I’m not sure how much time passed when I heard the trailer door open.

I immediately called out “Hello” wondering who had come to my rescue.

Please don’t let it be the Owner or the Architect! Luckily for me, it was Peanut.

Peanut is one of our field workers who had been with Hennessy for something like 50 years. He is a sweetheart of a man and, as I would soon learn, slightly hard of hearing.

Peanut called back to me and said “I came to see if you wanted a steak sandwich.” We were working right down the road from a great little place called Mott & Hester’s and our group frequently picked up lunches there. (http://www.mottandhesterdeli.com)

“I can’t think about food right now Peanut cause I’m stuck in the bathroom. Can you get me out?” All I heard was silence and the squeak of the office chair at the Superintendent’s desk. At this point I was puzzled? Why wasn’t he looking for tools? I called out to him several more times with no response. I start yelling at the top of my lungs “Peanut, can you hear me?”

He replied back “I can wait.”

I screamed “Peanut, I am STUCK in the bathroom.”

At this point, I heard him get up out of the chair and walk in my direction. “I’ll just get you a sandwich” he said.

I banged on the door and called out again, “I am STUCK. Can you get this door open?”

“Oh, you are stuck in there,” he replied. I saw his weathered fingers poke through the hole but he had no more success then I did. “I’ll be back.”

Within a few minutes he was back with the Superintendent who slid a credit card in the door and set me free. The good-natured ribbing started immediately. The best part was the sheepish look on Peanut’s face when he apologized for not understanding. “I thought you were “stuck” in the bathroom.”

I honestly have no memory if I ate a steak sandwich that day or not. It has been nearly four years, Peanut has retired, but whenever he stops by the office to say hello, he still asks if I want a steak sandwich.

So remember - Learn to ride the chaos donkey or it will ride you!

Going Back to the Well

I wish I still had all of the pages of writing I managed to produce in my high school and college years. Years when I was single and every ounce of desire I had I put into my writing. The writing was my companion, my confidant and my children all at the same time.

Since then I have been involved in two major relationships and they became the focus of my life. I didn't have time to write anymore. The relationships kept me busy whether I was happy or miserable. Now that I am single again it is time to go back to the well and start drawing stories from it again. I may never have been published before but the stories I wrote gave life a sense of purpose and enjoyment. None of my characters ever abused me, cheated on me, lied about me or did any of the number of other things that my ex-husbands have done.

The problem is not time or space or lack of ideas as I have created everything I need for a peaceful writing environment. And yet I have not written more than a page or two of notes in the last month. This is where the blog comes in. Priming the pump if you will. In college, I wrote so many papers and assignments, journal entries and book reports that the pump was always primed and I would sit down to work on a story and the words would flow. It's been many years since writing came that easy. I hope that this exercise will get things flowing again.

If not, it will be a great place to work through the issues of my very complicated life.