Hard time caring

Been over a year since my last post. The dream job, was a dream that resulted in very little pay, long hours, my boss sharing way too much personal info with me, and him ultimately deciding he couldn't afford me. He notified me of this two weeks after my mom died. After she died, it was all down hill.

2011 so far

Half a week in and 2011 has yet to disappoint. Way to go '11! Keep up the good work.

Now if you can send the following to my family to go along with my great new job, I'd be ever so grateful.

Good health, improved finances, a great new place to call home and new (local) friendships.

I wouldn't turn down a good man if he showed up but the others are needs, a man is a want.

Gotta prioritize when making wishes.

First Day at my new Job

Great first day. A little chaotic but great. I don't want to get ahead of myself but I can really see how I could become a part of things and make a difference.

The more time I spend with my bosses, the more time I spend researching, brainstorming, etc. the more I feel an overwhelming urge to pinch myself. I'd hate for this to be a dream unless it is a dream come true.

I was so excited I got there two hours early. Okay, technically I planned on doing some research at the library one block over but NONE of the books I wanted were in stock. Even worse, not even in the system so I can't reserve them.

I rushed out of the house without breakfast and never stopped for lunch. Need to remember to eat tomorrow. Also need to spend time planning some dinners for the week and get to the grocery store. The cupboards aren't bare but I'm sure when I start planning a menu I'll realize I need to buy something.

If I get busy again tomorrow, we may end up having eggs and toast for dinner. ;) I honestly don't care. Hook me up to an intravenous drip and let me keep working.

2011 - Here I come!

2011 is upon us. It feels like for the last three years I've approached every New Year's Eve with the same sense of trepidation and frustration. "This next year has got to be better. Please let it be better," I prayed. When the clock struck midnight on December 31st my reaction was the same. Melancholy and depressed.

Another New Year's Eve alone. Another year to wade my way through.

That brings us to 2011. I don't what it is but I felt a difference this year. It began bubbling up in me right after Christmas. Maybe I am in a better place. Maybe I have surrounded myself with more positive people. I honestly am not sure where the change is coming from (props to God cause he is the source of it) but I feel like this year is THE YEAR!

I was having a conversation with a couple of other 2011 enthusiasts yesterday and I apologize in advance for stealing and revamping their concept. The idea that when the gut, the heart and the head align - that's where the magic happens. The magic is happening.

For anyone that knows me feeling any alignment between gut, head and heart is not only highly improbably but downright ludicrous. My gut and I rarely have any kind of meaning exchange. I stopped listening to my gut three years ago when it gave me news I wasn't prepared to hear. My heart is on my sleeve more often than I like and according to some very recent revealing information, it flashes like a neon sign above my head even when I am trying my best to play it cool. Don't even get my started on my head. My poor brain is constantly examining every minute detail of my life from every possible angle. Interpreting and re-interpreting until I don't know which end is up. That's about the time when my brain starts trying to predict what's going to happen next. Having conversations that could but probably won't happen days, weeks, months down the line.

It's exhausting. So between the three (gut, heart and head) they are never synced up. They are never facing the same direction, going the same speed at the same time. Until now.

Everything in me sees nothing but good things ahead. I have no idea what shape or form these good things will take.

I expect my work like will ignite my passions, give me an outlet for my creativity, and challenge me to learn new skills. All this while still allowing me to get my organization groove on.

I expect that when it comes time to move to a new home in a few months that we will find a place much more suited to our needs. I don't expect to find a palace for next to no money, but I have a feeling that we will find a place that is right for us.

Even more shocking is the tickling sensation that love is coming. I'm not dating anyone, I have not been approached by anyone who has shown any interest. So I have no proof that love is coming. Just a tickling sensation like trying to remember a name or a word. It's right on the tip of your tongue and you know it's gonna come to you any second. I'm not in any rush. I'm very much at peace with the idea of letting it come to me in its own time. That tickling sensation just won't go away. I can't help but smile.

Head Hung in Shame #3

Nearly another month has passed without a blog posted. I wish I could say I've been doing other writing but I haven't.

Mom ended up in the hospital for nearly a week so writing was the last thing on my mind. The thing is that if I ever want to get to a place where writing is truly a daily part of my life I can't let anything prevent me from writing. Sounds selfish when your mother is in the hospital but I could have written about how I was feeling during her "incarceration."

One of my goals in 2011 is going to be daily writing. Seems like I've made that goal numerous times over the past few years. Here's to 2011 being THE year.

Three Paragraphs

Mr. Motivator strikes again. This assignment was to take five (he picked his favorites) of the 10 ideas from the previous assignment and write three paragraphs on each. I was to cover the basic plot of each story. I spent the first day twiddling my thumbs trying to decide which stories to write about. Mr. Motivator jumped in and suggested the five he found most interesting so far. I squandered my next day in front of the tv but finally sat down with my laptop late last night and cranked out more than three paragraphs on two story ideas. Spent six and a half hours with my mother today at her Oncologist's office and finished the assignment. I'm feeling pretty excited about this as technically it wasn't due until Thursday. So I wonder what will be next.

10 Ideas in 2 1/2 days

I was recently challenge by a friend, I'll call him Mr. Motivator to protect his anonymity, to come up with ten story ideas in 12 hours. Steep order considering the busy day I had. Sadly, I fell short and only came up with four ideas. Not willing to give up and under the threat of punishment from Mr. Motivator, I forged ahead and kept jotting down my ideas. The next day being Thanksgiving proved too busy to make much progress but the end of Black Friday, I'd met my goal. I don't expect to get a full story out of each of these acorns but even if only one blossoms into a full story, I will be extremely happy.